Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
