We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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