i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
