Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
