Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
