I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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