would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
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