new low.... made out with someone while peeing
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
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