You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he fucked my hip out of place.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
