True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
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