Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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