Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
