i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
