there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
