ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
