You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
