im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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