you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
