Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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