All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
