well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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