I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
