I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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