I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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