guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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