Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
