yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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