Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
