you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
