we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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