mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
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dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
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Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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