thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
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If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
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We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize