I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
