3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
