i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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