theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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