I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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