so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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