I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
All I want is dick and wine.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
