YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize
