So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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