he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
