every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
