I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
