i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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