Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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