just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
