My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
