Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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