They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
