The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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