his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
