Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
