I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
