pedialite and red bull = repair kit
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
