Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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