I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize