Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
