I wish I could punch you in the face.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize