Can i not drive my cunt home
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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