I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
