I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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