im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
we're so committed to being not committed
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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