I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
