During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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