She is in my trunk
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
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