hotel room ftw
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
